If this describes your work situation, gather the troops, regale yourselves singing to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel’s hit 1970 song Keep the Customer Satisfied.
(Verse 1)
I came to work on Monday with a concern to lay out plain,
A list of risks and questions, trying to keep us from the pain.
I thought we’d map the situation, put the facts out side by side,
But somebody said, “Forget the details, keep the higher-ups supplied.”
They said, “Slow down there, partner, that’s not really what they need,
The issue isn’t what happened, it’s how the message gets received.
I’ve worked here ten long years, I know the currents and the tide,
If you want to make it through this, keep the boss satisfied.”
(Chorus)
Keep the boss satisfied, keep the boss satisfied,
Don’t worry who is right or wrong, just soften up the ride.
Facts can wait until tomorrow, principles can step aside,
Everybody knows the mission: keep the boss satisfied.
(Verse 2)
I said, “A manager is angry? Then let’s understand the cause.
Let’s define the problem clearly, that’s the first of all the laws.”
They said, “No, you’re missing something, that’s not how the game is played.
First we calm the people down before the issues get displayed.”
I asked, “Who gets to hear the story? Who decides what’s true and wide?”
They said, “Leave the talking to us, we’ll be your trusted guide.
We know their style and temperament, we know their wounded pride,
And the path to organizational peace is keep the boss satisfied.”
(Chorus)
Keep the boss satisfied, keep the boss satisfied,
The chart is top-down management and you’re along for the ride.
You may not like the destination, but that’s no reason to collide,
Just smile and learn the culture—keep the boss satisfied.
(Bridge)
There’s dust upon the conference table, there’s tension in the hall,
Somebody calls it conflict, somebody calls it protocol.
I thought we served a purpose bigger than the feelings of the day,
But every road keeps circling back to finding the approved way.
(Verse 3)
The email wasn’t quite the issue, nor the meeting nor the call,
The lesson seemed to be that perception towers over all.
Don’t say exactly what occurred if another phrase sounds kind,
Trade precision for diplomacy and leave the facts behind.
I keep searching for the root cause, they keep searching for the guide,
One side wants understanding, one side wants the waters dried.
And somewhere in the middle sits a truth nobody can decide,
While everybody’s busy trying to keep the boss satisfied.
(Final Chorus)
Keep the boss satisfied, keep the boss satisfied,
Measure every sentence by the reaction it provides.
When the meeting’s finally over and the concerns are pushed aside,
The report says “problem solved”—the boss is satisfied.
Maybe one day we could talk to the boss about something objective…
